Hello, and welcome back to Brain in the Game. Brain in the Game is a podcast that's been specifically designed for athletes, coaches, and parents who are out there looking to do their sport just that little bit smarter. Brain in the Game is a verbal common sense injection that immunologists Organises us against stupidity. And I'm your host, Dave Diggle.
In this, episode 63, we're going to look at controlling what we can control and letting go of what we cannot. Ask yourself, who's in control? Before we get into today's episode, I want to explain. I've been away on the road now for the last couple of months, travelling throughout the US and Asia. During that period, I'd never got the opportunity to put together the podcast that I wanted to, be it logistically, be it technologically, or be it just the fact that I was having a great time and working really hard and never got around to doing the podcast. We've had a little bit of a hiatus with the brain in the game, but I'm back to living in Australia at the moment and work my way through Asia and the US and most of Australia to be back in Sydney ready for summer here.
So that also will allow me to do some more podcast, catch up with you guys and share the information that I've learned while I've been on the road and the things that I want to share with you both as an athlete and as a coach. So let's get into this number 63 about control. Now, as I said, I was on the road recently and I spent a great deal of time working with multiple different sports and athletes, working with individuals, working with teams, working with national and international level, all the way down to the grassroots level of young athletes who are doing state and national championships at the moment. During that process, I was exposed to a vast array of different kinds of athletes from different perspectives from different levels, different consequences to what they were doing. But all of them had a commonality. When I was doing my notes at the end of each session, I started to recognise there was a common theme that was coming through. I found myself saying the same things over and over and over to different clients all throughout my most recent travels. And what I was saying to myself when I was writing down my notes was I was saying to these athletes, again, whether they were individuals, whether they were teams, I was saying to them, Control what you can control and let go of everything that you cannot.
So let's look at that today. Let's look at why athletes, and why athletes in particular, but not just athletes, have that sense and that need and that want to control everything. Now, I put myself in the same category. I'm a little bit of a control freak. I like make sure that everything I do is spot on. It's structured, it's formulated, it's applied, and then there's gauges so I can grow. Everything has to be done just so. And that's had massive positive influence over the way that I do my business, the results my clients get, but it's also had a negative impact, too. Whereas most companies get to the stage where I'm at now, and they start to expand their workforce, they start to let go of some of the controlled mechanisms, things I'm still probably holding on a little too tight to. So I recognise that in myself, and I also recognise that in a lot of athletes and coaches. When you think about what you would term your need to control your outcomes, your actions, your environments, that's there for a very, very specific purpose. Part of that is the fact that you're competitive.
You want to be the best at what you do. You strive to consistently perform to be at the top of the tree. Now, this is new news to you. You're an athlete or you're a coach of an athlete, so you know everything is driven towards being the best you each and every time. In order to do that, very rarely do we find athletes will give over the control to anybody else for their career. So control is just part of our human way of of us trying to guarantee the outcome. During our normal training sessions where an athlete will go in and they're in the student mode, and those of you who've listened to podcasts in the past, you know I talk a lot about the non-athlete the student-athlete, and the performer. Each of these have a very unique and different characteristic. They all have different needs, they all have different mindsets. When we're in that student mode and we go into training, what we tend to do because the pressure's off a little bit, there's very little consequence, we prioritise quite efficiently. We know our coaches have even given us things we're going to be focused on during that session.
And we've gone, Right, that's important. I'm focused on focus on that, some of the other things that maybe are floating around in our mind get pushed to the side, or at least they don't become prominent issues in our performance. That student mode is important. It allows us to make mistakes. It allows us to push boundaries and try things. It allows us to be innovative about what we're doing and maybe step outside the norm just to see how things work from a different perspective. All of this is critical and crucial aspect to us growing as athletes. If we stayed on the one path and did the same thing each and every time, then we're going to limit ourselves, even put a glass ceiling on our ability to grow and progress. That student mode is quite a critical place for us to be. What that doesn't necessarily do for us is allow us to become familiar and comfortable with the higher pressure competition zone. When we're in that competition zone, we can't be in the student mode. We can't have that acceptability to go and just make mistakes, to try something new, because there's a higher degree of consequence.
We as competitive beings and animals or whatever you want to say, want to do the best each and every time, so we limit the amount of possible things that could go wrong by trying to control everything that we do. However, as a consequence, it's become greater, such as we said with competition or trials, then we may even start to create a much greater want for control. The more we see as our objective being of greater consequence, so whether it's a club competition or a national competition or an international competition, clearly we would see an international competition as being probably greater consequence to our failure than a club competition that we could probably brush off and go, Look, there's always next week. When we increase that emotional association to the outcome, say it be an international competition and a greater amount of people seeing us or leading into a world or Olympic Championships, then we fear what could go wrong. We start to create in our mind, but what ifs? What if it goes wrong? What if I screw up? What if I forget my routine? As mind coaches, we talk a lot about having that performance amnesia when you step up to perform and you forget.
The consequences of that in our mind play have it with our ability to focus on what we do do. Instead, we focus on what could go wrong. Once we've created these negative consequences, and as I say, that could be a 100 to one, even a million to one shot of ever happening in. Yet in our mind, we create such an association to them. That's a dead set. It's going to happen. You know what? I am going to forget my routine, or I am going to screw up, or all of these things that go through your mind that raise your anxiety. This increases our need for control. We're going to go, I don't want that to happen. I don't want to screw up. I don't want to forget my routine. I must control absolutely everything. This is in part why often athletes will have the same colour dundies, or they wear the same socks, or they'll do the same process leading into an event, lace up their boots, left foot, then right foot, whatever it is, touch certain parts of the environment around them, touch a table, touch the door frame, all those things that habitual behaviours are just they're craving for control to try and subside and eliminate the anxiety that's growing of fear of consequence.
We've all been there, whether that's a school exam, whether that's a major competition, whether that's driving test. Whatever it is, we've all been there and wanted to control absolutely everything for fear of consequence. So what's changed? What's changed between you being the student and going into training and you going into competition? Well, the reality is nothing other than your perception. Your perception of what the consequences of something not working is. If something doesn't work in training, the worst is going to happen is maybe your coach will bellow at you and you'll feel rubbish for a while. But the fear of consequence of either public humiliation or missing out on something you've trained for four years for, or just that disappointment from others or yourself becomes much greater and magnified when it's in that competitive environment. We just associate a greater value to it. With these consequences, driving our want for control, and remember, a need and a want are very, very different things. A need is an action to get something. A want is an emotion, something that you want, you desire. Both of those, we frequently miscommunicate those or confuse those terminologies. However, they have a very, very different consequence to the way that we process information.
If I asked you to do something because you wanted to do it, there's an emotional buy in there. There's a passion, a drive that comes with that high-end emotion, that want. If I asked you to go and do something because you needed to do it, think back to when you was at school. You need to do your homework. You need to go and put the dishes away. You need to tidy your room. No one ever says to you, You want to go and do your homework. Because reality is, you probably don't. You need to do it to get knowledge or to get a passmark, an assignment finished, whatever it is. That's a need an action that has to happen to get something you want. So let's not confuse those two. Although we use... An athlete will often say, I need to control this environment. I need to do two more of these. I need to do that. Well, the reality is, if you're the day before a competition or even a week before a competition, the likelihood that you need to do that routine is minimal. You want to do that routine. You want to feel that emotional feeling of, yes, I'm ready.
I know what I needed to do. Now I know what I want. I want to make sure that I feel comfortable. I want to do three routines this week because that will mean to me that I'm ready. So don't forget there's a difference between needs and wants, and especially coaches and parents who are feeding those needs and those wants, it has to be the right emotive versus action so they can put it into context, not raise emotions where they can't have a positive outcome or take away that drive and make it a mechanical process. We want to make sure that we feed the emotion where the emotion needs to be fed and we mechanicalize what needs to happen. So it just becomes a process. Clearly, our needs have not changed from training, irrespective of our frequent language use or incorrect language use. What has changed is our emotions, our fears, our anxieties, our overactive imagination imagination. Our emotions have increased, our want for control has increased, and our fears of consequence have increased. All of these are feeding each other, which makes us feel vulnerable. Once we feel vulnerable, we want to take control. Think of it like you're standing upright and you feel dizzy.
What do you do? You put your hands out and you grab hold of something and control the way that you're standing. That's the same mechanism that goes through our brain. When we feel that things are getting out of control, what we do, we stabilise. We try and make ourselves as broad as possible and make sure that we cover every single angle possible. In doing that, we try to control everything. Even things that, logically, we know has little consequence to our performance. We still want to control them because they're another box to tick. Another thing for us to say, Yep, out of the 50 These things that I can control, I've got every single goddamn one of them. When in reality, there's probably four, five, maybe even six things tops that you do need to have control over. Needs and wants. This increase in our anxiety stimulates our fight or flight mechanism in our brain, our cortisol releasing. Cortisol is great if you're about to be chased down and eating on the Serengeti. It evacuates your bowels, it moves blood flow so that you perform better. It takes nutrients away from our digestive system. So again, it applies it to places that you need to utilise if you need to run.
It also increases the amount of information that goes through our brain. So we have this massive perspective of everything being brighter, vibrant, more information coming in, yet we have little control over processing that, that overwhelmed feeling, that fogginess of, I can't make a decision. It's just way too much going on around me, the venue looks huge. I went to work with an athlete recently, and they went to compete in a brand new stadium that they'd never, ever been in before. It was a big event for them. And all they kept saying is, Wow, this place is huge. Now, I know they'd probably been into stadiums just as big, maybe even bigger. However, the increased emotional consequence to it made the place look overwhelming. That's a cortisol going through their body, their fight or flight mechanism, their adrenaline going through their body. So cortisol, awesome thing if you are trying to run away from something for any extended period of time, and that immediately after either being chased, then that cortisol or that fight or flight place, that mindset that you're in, is incredibly detrimental to your ability to perform, to become being controlled, to own what you're doing.
It keeps you in that fear of what's going to happen mode. We want to make sure that we lower our cortisol, we increase our serotonin and our dopamine to make us feel great about what we're doing, to make us feel that we're in complete control and own what we're about to apply. So making sure that we're not anxious. Now, remember, if I said to you, Don't think about pink elephants, what's the thing you think about? Pink elephants. So by saying to yourself, Don't be anxious. Don't be scared. Don't worry about what's going to happen. It's just saying to you, you need to know what's going to happen so you can think not about it. That's just crazy. You can't say to yourself, of, don't think about being anxious. What does anxious look like? It looks like that. I don't want to be like that. Bang, straight away, that anxious image is straight inside your mind. It's in front of thought. You've then turned around and gone. It has massive consequences if I think about that. So you've You've raised its value inside your mind. You've raised its level of importance to the point where your brain's not going to go, Oh, yeah, let it go.
It's going to go, What? You've just turned around and told me that thing can completely derail everything we've done over the last four years. I'm not going to let that thing out of my sight. It's going to be straight front of thought for me, so I know exactly what it looks like. It's very difficult and almost impossible to get that image out of your mind. There are strategies we can utilise, but ongoing realities, saying to yourself, don't think about something is never, ever going to give you the outcome that you want. What is going to give you the outcome that you want? It's by you looking at how do we fix this whole anxiety, the cortisol, the fear of consequence process. The first question I would say to you, standing in front of you, if you were this athlete, saying to yourself, but what if? What's the outcome or the objective that you want? When you know what you want, ask yourself why you want it. What we're doing here is raising the value, the importance. We're talking in emotive language. We're asking ourselves, really, what is it you want? If you want to perform in a certain way, if you want to own your routine or your performance, if you want to step out on the world stage because it makes you feel that you've done everything you possibly can to be there, then that is an emotive place to be.
That is something that you will buy into. You will crawl over broken glass to achieve. It's not going to be held back because it's so passionate for you. The more we feed that want, that objective, that clear and clarity in your mind of, Yep, that's what I want. Then we run a strong place, a very clear directional process to aim for. Then I'd say, ask yourself this, what do I need to do to get what I want? Again, let's think about that language, wants and needs, emotional, mechanical. What are the mechanical steps I have to put in place to get what I want. Now, if you turn around and say, I need to do three routines so that I know I own that routine. You can do that without emotion. They're just needs. They're just They're just, if one doesn't work, do another one. You don't have the emotional association to fear of consequence attached to that need. It's almost third party. It's almost stepping back and going, Right, how do I get from here to here? Those three steps, those three stepping stones across the river, whatever it is, you just need to step on those three, and then you get to the other side.
The steps actually become just part of the process. What's important to you, what does have that emotional buy-in is the end step, the objective, the other side of the river bank. The steps, they're just steps. Then it's not only knowing what you need to know, it's doing what you need to know. This is where often athletes fall over. I've stood in front of many, many athletes and said, Right, what do you need to do to get what you want? They'll rally off a whole smauger's board of things. I need to do this, I need to without any blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they'll come to the event, and if they don't perform after, I'll say, Okay, what worked? What didn't work? What would you do different? When I say to them what worked, they'll list what worked. When I say to them what didn't work, the vast majority of time is, Well, you know what? I knew I needed to do this, this, and this, but I didn't do it. Or, You know what? I needed to be here or be in this mindset. I needed to visualise before I went out and performed.
Would you do it? No. No. No. No. No There's a difference between knowing what you need to do and doing what you know you need to do. It's that doing part that becomes the critical linchpin that takes this whole mental preparation and allows you to put it into practise. I often say to people that this stuff is really interesting stuff. It's mind-blowing. The more you learn about this, it becomes so interesting, the depths it goes to, the influence in our life. But if you don't apply it, it is just interesting stuff. You have to apply it to get the action, to get the outcome. So once you know what you need to do and you're done what you know you need to do to get what you want, we need to measure it. This is our calibration process, and we calibrate for a number of reasons. One of those is so that we can micromanage it. We can make sure that we're getting every ounce of goodness out of every step that we take. If something isn't working 100%, then we can make adjustments to get more out of it. It also, and just as equally importantly, allows us to reward every step that we do take.
Every success should be recognised, should be rewarded, should be celebrated. This increases our serotonin, our dopamine releases in our brain. These receptors then become hyperactive, and they start start to stimulate the good feelings, the open growth mindset that we have, the perspective of possibility. Also, it lowers that cortisol, that fight or flight hormones in our body that's making us feel anxious, that's feeling vulnerable. Once we start to look at our possibilities in a positive light, we start to overreach and almost grow beyond our objective. If I can do that, I can do this as well, and then maybe even that as well. If we're full of that cortisol, when is things going to go wrong? What's the next thing that I have to fear? We start to reduce and make each step much smaller so we can try and control it, and fear of consequence. That damage mitigation rather than growth mindset. So rewarding has to be just as big part of our calibration process as is adjusting. Now, I know all you athletes are out there and you're very good at achieving something and then just skimming past it onto the next thing and keeping that momentum and that flow in the direction.
That's awesome. Momentum is incredibly powerful. However, the analogy that I use, it's like a rock climber. If you're climbing a huge mountain, you want to make sure that every time you get to a ledge that you can latch off or lock off on, you do so. Because if you slide, you're only going to slide a little way. You're only going to slide back till that last place that you locked off. If you don't reward, if you choose just to skim along everything that you've achieved and go, Yeah, next thing, next, next, next. If and when you fall, and we all fall at some periods in our career, you'll fall all the way down. It's like a game of snakes and ladders and getting all the way up to the last step, and then you go straight down the ladder. Or in the rock climbing analogy, I say, it's like free climbing. You wouldn't free climb with your career. However, if you don't reward your steps, if you don't lock off, that's exactly what you are doing. Free climbing with your career. That's craziness. So I want to make sure that every time that you calibrate something, you recognise all those things are working They make them way more selectable in your brain.
They make them things that you'll go back and you'll go, Yeah, I'll do that again, because it works. There's a reward involved here. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel comfortable, control. It makes me feel like I know exactly what's going to happen. Sense of control. Rewards are critical aspects to that. When you know you know what you need to know, and you have done everything that's been needed to do to get what you want, those needs and those wants, then you feel comfortable in control. You've got more positive chemicals flowing through your body, the serotonin and dopamine, and less of that negative fight or flight, the anxious stomach butterflies that comes with the cortisol. It's here in this mindset, this sense of control, that you can let go of the majority of things that you now know have no or very limited influence over your performance. You've highlighted, you've been in control. You're the one that's designed what needs to happen. Therefore, is no want to control control everything. There's no emotional want to control everything. It's just the steps, the needs. It doesn't matter if there's 50 stepping stones to get across the river.
If you only need three of them, just step on the three. There are a lot less effort, a lot less can go wrong with you knowing exactly what you need to do to get what you want. I started this podcast by saying I've been working with a number of different athletes, and I started to recognise a theme as I was making my notes, as I was at the end of each session, and I'd be sitting there and I'm going, right, I've just come from an ice skater and gone to a baseball player, or I've gone to a racing car over whatever it was I was doing on that day and seeing a very similar mindset in many of these new athletes. So what was the reason for it? Was it the frequency or increased number of athletes per day that I was seeing that were new? You know what? That probably has a little bit to do with it. However, what I recognised was it was because it was competition season. We were coming to the end of the year for most people, the end of their seasons, So finals were coming up, semifinals, grand finals, everything that was coming to a head that would have an impact on their long term objectives.
Now, the majority of these athletes that I notice this pattern with, it wasn't a coincidence that they were new athletes. Because my athletes I've been working with for a longer period of time already had the following season in mind. They were already thinking about using the end of this season as a springboard into an already established path the next year. So the fear of consequence, the fear of the unknown was limited. The new clients were seeing that whatever happened now would initially dictate next year. That's a very harsh and hard place from an athlete's perspective to be in. We want to make sure there's a flow from season to season to season to season. It's all part of the big picture. If you make a step that doesn't work for you, that's not the end of the world. It's not the consequence that's going to derail you for the whole season next year. It's just, you know what? I prepared for it. That didn't work. What would I do different next time? What worked? What didn't work? What do I do different? When we started off this podcast and I said to you, Control what you can control and let go of what you can't control, That includes the people you compete against.
That includes what they did in their preparation. You can't control that. You can't control what other students or athletes have done in their preparation. You can't rock up to their training and go, Hey, you can't do that because that makes me feel uncomfortable. You can only control what you do, the things that you deem to be important, the actions that you take, those needs to get what you want. Everything else, let go of it. You can learn from it. You can look at it and go, Oh, you know what? I did really well. If I've done this, I would have done even better. We learn from that. A student mode will go back into that after a performer. But wanting to control what everybody else is doing is never going to give you a clear mind, a mind that's not in fight or flight, in anxiety, in fear of consequence. So control what you can control and let go of the rest and be the best you you can be by crafting your trajectory in a way that feeds you. So I hope you've got a lot from this podcast, and it's great to be back here in Sydney.
The sun is shining, the waves are lapping outside, and I'm looking forward to a great summer here and a great opportunity for me to share some more of my experiences and my philosophies with you over the summer period. For those of you in the northern hemisphere, as you go into winter, I will constantly be telling you how bright the sun is and how great the ocean looks, just so you can one day come and pop over here and visit Australia. Until the next episode of Brain in the Game, train smart and enjoy the ride. My name's Dave Diggle, and I'm the mind coach.