Why Confidence Collapses Under Pressure (and What Actually Holds Up)

May 08, 2025

The Mental Skill Most Athletes Confuse With Confidence

Over a year ago, I recorded a podcast episode that turned out to be one of the most shared episodes we’ve ever released. Episode 96: Controlling the Critical Balance Between Confidence and Self Belief explored a topic that every athlete, coach, and parent talks about but often misunderstands:

What’s the real difference between confidence and self-belief?

Since then, I’ve been asked the same question again and again:

“Can we have a shorter, clearer version that’s easy to share with athletes?”

That’s exactly what this article is.

If you work with athletes, or you are one, understanding this distinction can change how you perform under pressure, how you respond to setbacks, and how you build long-term mental strength.

Why Confidence Gets All the Attention

We’re constantly told that confidence is everything.

“They just need more confidence.”

“She’s so confident right now.”

“His confidence is shot.”

And confidence can be powerful. When it’s high, it creates momentum. You feel capable. You feel ready. You feel like things are flowing.

The problem?

Most athletes don’t realise where confidence actually comes from.

Confidence Is External (and Volatile)

Confidence is largely fed from the outside:

Coaches telling you you’re doing well
Parents offering praise
Teammates backing you
Selection decisions
Results and outcomes
Even likes, comments, and reactions on social media

All of these things add to confidence.

But here’s the catch.

Think of confidence like a bucket with holes in the bottom.

Every positive comment, good session, or win pours sand into that bucket. But the moment something doesn’t go to plan – a bad training session, a mistake, a non-selection – it shakes you (and your bucket) and that confidence starts leaking straight out.

And when it leaks, athletes often panic.

So what do they do?

They go looking for more.

More reassurance
More praise
More validation
More checking what others think

This is where social media often becomes the instant hit. A quick dopamine boost to refill the bucket.

But the bucket still leaks.

Which means the cycle never really ends.

The Trap Athletes Fall Into

Here’s the dangerous loop:

Confidence comes from others ---> Confidence leaks when things go wrong ---> Athlete seeks more external validation ---> One negative comment empties it again ---> Athlete feels flat, anxious, or doubtful

The more you rely on confidence alone, the more fragile your performance becomes.

And that’s where self-belief comes in.

What Self-Belief Really Is (and Why It’s Different)

Self-belief isn’t loud.
It doesn’t need applause.
It doesn’t spike emotionally.

Self-belief is internal.

It’s built from statements like:

I did that.
I’ve done this before.
I know how I created that outcome.
I can do it again.

These are self-created tags, evidence you carry with you.

Confidence Builds Momentum. Self-Belief Builds Trust.

This is the key distinction.

Confidence helps you feel capable
Self-belief helps you know you’re capable

You can lose confidence in a moment.

You don’t lose self-belief unless you stop recognising your own actions.

And here’s an important truth:

You can have self-belief without confidence.
You cannot have confidence without self-belief.

When Confidence Disappears (and Self-Belief Saves You)

Picture this:

Warm-up goes badly
Crowd is against you
You’re benched or dropped
Selection doesn’t go your way

Confidence stays in the changeroom.

Self-belief doesn’t.

Self-belief goes wherever you go.

That’s why athletes who understand this difference cope better under pressure. They don’t fall apart when conditions aren’t perfect. They don’t rely solely on feeling good to perform well.

A Real-World Example: When Confidence Was Shredded

Years ago, outside of sport, I was working with a startup in the US. After months of successful work, a senior partner challenged me aggressively in his office:

Questioned my qualifications
Compared his credentials to mine
Told me to “stay in my lane”

In that moment?

My confidence collapsed.

Imposter syndrome kicked in hard.
I questioned whether I belonged there at all.

But as I walked away, something else showed up.

Not confidence.

Self-belief.

I remembered:

What I was good at
What I’d done before
The unique skillset I brought

So I went back.

I didn’t argue emotionally.
I didn’t posture.

I stated facts.

And that decision led to outcomes far bigger than if I’d relied on confidence alone.

That experience reinforced something I now teach athletes every day:

Confidence is emotional and situational.
Self-belief is factual and controllable.

Pressure Doesn’t Destroy You, It Reveals You

Pressure does one of three things:

It exposes cracks
It tests your norm
It gives you information

When pressure lifts and you return to your normal level, that’s resilience.

When pressure lifts and you come back better, that’s growth.

Self-belief allows pressure to add layers, not strip you back.

That’s true in:

Trials
Selections
Competitions
New teams
New roles

Confidence may wobble.

Self-belief should grow.

How Athletes Can Actively Build Self-Belief

Self-belief doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built deliberately.

After sessions, training, or competition, ask:

What did I do well today?
What action did I take that led to that outcome?
What skill did I apply successfully?

Then own it.

Say it.
Write it.
Acknowledge it.

“I did that.”

That’s how self-belief compounds.

What Coaches, Parents, and Support Staff Must Do Differently

This is critical.

Instead of saying:

“I knew you could do it.”

Try asking:

“What did you do to create that?”

“What decision did you make there?”

“What skill did you rely on?”

Why?

Because praise adds confidence.
Ownership builds self-belief.

The magic word is because.

“You know you can do this because…”

That single word shifts belief inside the athlete.

Build What Doesn’t Leak

Confidence is useful.
Momentum matters.

But confidence alone is fragile.

Self-belief is what stays with you when:

Confidence dips
Pressure rises
Conditions aren’t ideal

If we help more athletes understand this difference – and build belief they own – we don’t just improve performance.

We build stronger humans.